The title of this twee and melancholy romance is very bit as revealing as that of 2013’s war drama, Lone Survivor.

It’s supposedly based on Romeo and Juliette. At least Shakespeare put barriers in way of true love, such as vengeful gangs of sword wielding hooligans.

There’s no such joy here and the script is so devoid of ideas it hurriedly bumps off two characters so the central pair have something new to bicker about. 

Lydia Wilson and Johnny Flynn manage to hold our attention as star-crossed lovers Vide and Arthur. She is a rich Jewish Londoner and he is the son of a former Port Talbot steelworker.

Their characters have already met when film begins, so we slowly endure their relationship fraying as their families interact.

Whatever scant interest or sympathy you may dredge up for the pair is probably determined by which side of the social fence you’re peering over.

George Clooney drives his directorial career further into a cul-de-sac with this misfiring comedy thriller.

Putting the con into the suburbs, Clooney takes a dark thriller from the comic pen of Fargo creators, the Coen brothers, and clumsily uses a smathering of sentiment to stick it to a serious tale of 1950’s racial prejudice.

By failing in marrying these halves of two very different films together, Clooney loses the intended social commentary in the chasm between them. Meanwhile the clashing tones drown out the great production design and excellent performances.

While the family home of Matt Damon’s office worker suffers a violent break in, across the garden fence the arrival of an African-American family into the all-white neighbourhood results in the formation of an angry mob who terrorise them.

Damon, Julianne Moore and Karimah Westbrook keep us interested, though it’s Oscar Isaac who barges in and steals the film as an impertinent insurance claims adjuster.

Now comic Noel Fielding has achieved mainstream success as a judge on The Great British Bake Off, he’s being used to sell this this improvisational ensemble comedy to a bigger audience than it may have first hoped for when it was made last year.

However new fans will be disappointed at his limited screen time and old fans will be unamused to find him playing straight.

Patchy and indulgent and captured in a faux documentary style, it offers moments of embarrassment but no outright laughs.

We visit nine London couples all in the process of breaking up, and then we flash back to see them meeting for the first time. The characters predominantly seem to be various unsympathetic media types.

Creative driving force Mercedes Grower casts Fielding as her love interest in her directorial debut. She generously acknowledges the cast’s contribution to her script but perhaps next time she should release the brakes on her typewriter before beginning filming.

For a change of direction seek out this charming, whimsical and gently funny farce.

Leaving Canada Fiona arrives in the French capital to discover her elderly  aunt is missing and is soon lost herself.

With the face of a young Frances de la Tour and the seemingly elastic body of Popeye’s  girlfriend Olive Oyl, Fiona Gordon gives a performance of extraordinary agility and precision as Fiona.

A misplaced rucksack connects her with the homeless Dom who offers as much hindrance as help.

Influenced by Charlie Chaplain’s tramp, it also draws heavily on Jacques Tati’s Monsieur Hulot character, who inspired Rowan Atkinson’s Mr Bean.

Conjuring it’s own unique energy, it has a generous spirit, first rate clowning, the bold colours of a kids cartoon, and adds to the list of great dance scenes set in the city. 

I don’t mean to be rude when I tell you to go get lost in Paris.

Two years ago Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg took an entertaining co-parenting comedy and used their star power to grab £184m at the global box office. Which is pretty impressive on a modest £38m budget.

This festive themed sequel doubles down on the dads by adding Mel Gibson’s smirking sex goblin and John Lithgow’s man-toddler, but dilutes the fun by half.

Plus the strong language and innuendo means this isn’t the joyous family film it thinks it is.

Most of the action takes place in a hunting lodge where the boys’ blended families are preparing the perfect ‘together Christmas’.

Among the macho posturing, childish squabbles and limp slapstick, there’s jaw-dropping misjudged rendition of Band Aid’s ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’

Poor Linda Cardellini’s role is to nag everyone while feeling inadequate for not looking supermodel hot.

Everyone sees a fake Christmas movie starring Liam Neeson called Missile Tow, now that’s the film I’d rather be watching.