FIST FIGHT

Cert 15 90mins Stars 1

Feuding teachers prepare to square up in this witless high school comedy.

It stars the squeaky voiced and agitated irritant, Charlie Day, as a mild-mannered English teacher who spends the last day of term trying to avoid a physical confrontation with his combative colleague.

Before the big bout he must attend a job interview with the school board and his daughters talent show. Also, his wife is heavily pregnant.

Ice Cube scowls as his opponent, the grudge holding history teacher. When the former gangsta rapper invokes his most notorious lyric, ‘F*** the police’, he completes his sad cultural journey to cuddly and establishment friendly, pantomime villain.

Since the highpoint of TV’s Madmen, the career of Christina Hendricks continues to unravel. Having demeaned herself in last years Bad Santa 2, she appears here as demented drama teacher.

With no ‘F’ in laughter, Fist Fight scores a ‘Z’ for humour, and everyone involved in this debacle deserves double detention.

 

PATRIOTS DAY

Cert 15 130mins Stars 4

Mark Wahlberg teams up with director Peter Berg to deliver a third example of their highly effective brand of real life, patriotic blue-collar heroism.

They’ve fought in Afghanistan in 2013’s Lone Survivor, and survived exploding oil rigs in last year’s Deepwater Horizon. Now the Boston Marathon terror attack of April 15, 2013, acts as the starting pistol for this tense action thriller.

Limbs and lives are shredded in when two homemade bombs are detonated in thirteen  seconds, just yards from the finishing line. It was the worst act of terrorism on US soil since the 911 Twin Tower attack in 2001.

The re-staging of the carnage and chaos is harrowingly effectively and filmed in a documentary style. It’s never sensationalist and leaves us in no doubt as to the scale of the human damage.

This local tragedy becomes a national emergency when the two brothers responsible head to New York, to set off more bombs, kidnapping and killing along the way.

With the exception of Mark Wahlberg’s character, all the main players are based on real life individuals. The star plays Tommy Saunders, an amalgam of real police officers involved in the pursuit of the of the terrorists. Though he’s an actor of limited range, Wahlberg once again excels in a role which riffs on his tough yet tender persona.

John Goodman and Kevin Bacon appear as a police chief and a FBI investigator.

Despite the male-heavy narrative, Melissa Benoist and Khandi Alexander are superb in a single scene showdown, where a suspects wife is interrogated by a female FBI agent.

Patriots Day was created with the involvement of those who were injured and so can be enjoyed without a sense of exploitation. Exciting, violent and sensitive to the  many who suffered, it is a rousing hymn to duty, family and the community spirit of the city under seige.

MOONLIGHT

Cert 15 111mins Stars 3

There was a mild buzz of disappointment at Sunday’s Bafta awards ceremony when this modest drama failed to convert any of its four nominations into even a single award.

It’s the sincere, sensitive and well crafted coming out story of Chiron, a shy, impoverished young gay African American in Miami. Played by a different actors, the three part structure shows him as a school boy, teenager and adult.

Chiron’s only role model is a local gangster, Juan. It’s a decent if remarkably over rated performance by Mahershala Ali, currently the bookies favourite for best supporting actor Oscar.

The House of Cards star also plays a small role in Hidden Figures, but where that film looks upwards to the heavens, Moonlight’s eyes are downcast. This introverted nature contributes to the films’ failure to move the heart to the intended degree.

‘Who are you?’ asks Chiron’s only friend after a ten year absence. After watching the film, I’m none the wiser.

AMERICAN ANIMALS

Cert 15 117mins Stars 4

Wildly ambitious and superbly crafted, this intriguing, tense and funny real life heist thriller is a light fingered and dexterous modern day morality tale.

In 2004 four misfit college students infamously stole rare books worth millions from a university library, they are astonishingly idiotic and incompetent amateurs.

Actors recreate the theft using typical Hollywood storytelling conventions such as the recruiting of the specialist members of the gang, and meticulous planning scenes.

Plus there are many nods and winks to the films such as Ocean’s 11, which the likeable conspirators watch to discover how to commit the perfect robbery.

However interrupting at regular intervals in confessional documentary style, are the actual gang members.

Now older and somewhat wiser, they question each other’s account of events, turning this extremely entertainingly thriller into a commentary on the glamorisation of on-screen violence and criminal behaviour, with the script emphasising there is no such thing as consequence-free crime.

Catch these American animals if you can.

THE NUN

Cert 15 96mins Stars 3

The fifth in the Conjuring supernatural horror franchise continues its possession of the box office with the addition of cinema’s scariest nun since Julie Andrews started singing.

There’s no Alpine melodies here, but a great deal of high pitched screeching as a demon preys on the devout in rural Romania.

It absolutely doesn’t matter if your nun the wiser about how this film fits in the franchise, it’s best to imagine them as a loosely connected series with each standalone episode introducing a fresh cast and location.

We begin in 1952 with the death of a nun in a convent which stands next to a huge and creepy gothic castle, the sort of place a local Count might call home.

In response the Vatican sends a novice Nun and a war weary priest to establish whether occult forces are at work on the hallowed earth.

Taissa Farmiga is an agreeably bright focus among the murky mist-bound shenanigans, and she’s the younger sister of Vera, who starred as a paranormal investigator in the 2013’s first Conjuring movie.

Acting as her tutor and surrogate father-figure is Demian Bichir as Father Burke, and they’re joined by an amorous French-Canadian farmer turned local guide.

Jonas Bloquet is good fun in the role but his character is a consequence of some occasionally shoddy writing which undermines all the great work of the actors, set designers and special effects wizards.

Fans needn’t worry about a lack of crypts, candles and corpses as we rattle through a script laden with jump scares, sly humorous touches and plenty of Friday night thrills such as beheadings, burials and satanic flagellation.

I wasn’t a huge fan of the Conjuring films but I really enjoyed last year’s prequel, Annabelle: Creation, and had fun with The Nun here. This series for me is starting to become an unhealthy habit.

FINAL SCORE

Cert 15 104mins Stars 2

This British action thriller could be renamed Die Hard in a Football Stadium, but it’s second division entertainment.

Dave Bautista plays a former US soldier who arrives in the East End of London to take his surrogate niece to a European football match, only to become embroiled in a terrorist plot. 

The actor is best known as Drax in Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy francise, and he’s recently made headlines for blasting bosses for their sacking of the sci-fi series’ director, James Gunn.

Bog-standard Russian separatists are searching for Pierce Brosnan’s former revolutionary leader, and they’ve rigged the stadium to explode on the final whistle.

All the action such as it is takes place at West Ham United’s beloved former ground, the Boleyn, a venue they left in reality over two years ago.

I’m not sure which bit of plotting is more ridiculous, Batista jumping a motorbike from one grandstand roof to another, or the Hammer’s playing European football.

THE PREDATOR

Cert 15 106mins Stars 2

Misjudged, misfiring and overbearingly macho, this sci-fi action comedy sequel is easily the worst in the four strong franchise.

When a hi-tech alien hunter crash lands on Earth, a US mercenary and a scientist team up with war damaged army veterans to fight it.

The original 1987 classic was an allegory for the Vietnam war and a blockbuster smash. It was directed with brio by John ‘Die Hard’ McTiernan, and fortified by the commanding presence of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

There’s no-one of his statue here, and the last film of new writer and director, Shane Black, The Nice Guys, was a box office bomb.

In his typical self back-slapping style Black mixes blood-splatting violence with boring banter-heavy bromance while casually exploiting Tourette’s Syndrome for cheap laughs.

His workaday storytelling isn’t helped by the studio cutting a scene after Black cast a friend who was a registered sex offender, and failed to inform his bosses, or the unfortunate female lead, Olivia Munn.

 

 

 

MILE 22

Cert 18 94mins Stars 4

Mark Wahlberg is at his single-minded best in this blistering and bone-snapping action thriller.

As a top CIA agent in it’s most secretive branch, his task force must convey an ‘asset’ 22 miles through a hostile city in Southeast Asia to a remote airstrip where a transport plane will hopefully pick them up.

Indonesian stuntman turned actor, Iko Uwais, plays  the ‘asset’, and the straight-forward narrative allows him to deploy the ferocious combat skills demonstrated in 2011’s The Raid, which made him a star.

And with Asia once more a proxy battlefield between the US and Russia, the script plugs straight into historic and contemporary political concerns.

This is the fourth collaboration between Wahlberg and director Peter Berg, and it is every bit as flag-wavingly entertaining as their previous films, such as 2013’s Lone Survivor.

Perfectly tailored to Wahlberg’s spiky tough guy screen persona, it’s as intense as the astonishing exercise regime he recently revealed to the world.

THE HOUSE WITH THE CLOCK IN ITS WALLS

Cert 12A 104mins Stars 4

Jack Black stars as a warlock full of tricks in this early Halloween treat of frighteningly entertaining family fun.

With expert comic timing he conjures up plenty of crowd-pleasing magical mayhem in this charming, funny and nicely scary supernatural adventure, based on the popular children’s book by John Bellairs.

As kindly uncle Jonathan to ten-year-old orphan, Lewis, Black sees all hell breaks lose when his nephew secretly uses magic in an attempt to gain popularity at school, and inadvertently unleashes a demonic force in the form of Kyle MacLachan’s deceased evil sorcerer.

This sets the clock ticking on the end of the world, and to prevent it Jonathan and Lewis team up with their neighbour. Suitably dressed in regal purple the imperiously talented Cate Blanchett resembles Mary Poppins’ stylish older sister, and enjoys herself immensely as the brolly-wielding witch.

Blanchett and Black are an unlikely and seemingly mismatched double act but have a sparky chemistry, while Owen Vaccaro gives a bright and articulate performance as Lewis, and is never upstaged by his illustrious co-stars.

After contributing enormously to the huge success of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, early this year and having unveiled his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week, Black’s career is recovering it’s sparkle.

And although director Eli Roth filmed this year’s woeful remake of Death Wish starring Bruce Willis, he’s recovered strongly with this latest effort and is careful to be faithful to the tone and intention of the source material.

His film bursts with warm nostalgia for the 1950’s US small town setting, typical enough for a film co-produced by Steven Spielberg’s company, Amblin.

Populated with pet-like living furniture and self playing musical instruments, kids will love the handsomely designed house where the action takes place, and they’ll totally agree with the story’s premise that chocolate chip cookies have the power to soothe any problem.

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

Cert PG 116mins Stars 5

Along comes a Spider-man as you’ve never seen him before in this deliriously entertaining animated spin on your friendly neighbourhood superhero.

Joyous, thrilling and inclusive, it’s a pulsating neon kaleidoscope of jokes, action and invention as several versions of Spider-man team up to save the fabric of the universe being torn apart by the infamous crime lord, Kingpin. 

However this is not the Peter Parker character familiar from the Marvel films and comics, but another version of the web-swinger, Afro-latino schoolboy Miles Morales, and exists independently of the mainstream Marvel Connected Universe of the upcoming Avengers: Endgame.

Rapper and actor Shameik Moore gives a lovely grounded performance as the voice of schoolboy Miles, alongside an impressive cast which includes Oscar winners  Mahershala Ali and Nicolas Cage.

Miles is bitten in time honoured tradition by a radioactive spider but before he can learn to control to his great new powers, he’s given the great responsibility of saving the world from  the effects of a parallel dimensions machine.

Through this window to the multi-verse swing various Spider-types of different genders, styles and species which range from 1930’s noir, to Japanese manga and a sort of Porky Pig figure.

As well as providing a team dynamic and a lot of humour, this solves the problem of  Spidey otherwise having to talk to himself to explain the plot, and proves what a universal and flexible character Spider-man is.

Intent on villainy are a rogues gallery of familiar foes such as Green Goblin and Doc Ock, plus some super-menacing Spanish cyborg scorpion thing.  

It’s produced by Phil Lord and Chris Miller who made 2014’s brilliant The LEGO Movie and they fill this with their fresh and infectious looney tunes-style energy and colour.

And while honouring its humble pulp comic origins they also capture the extraordinary optimism and dynamism of the character as well as offering a touching tribute to the creators, Steve Dikto and the recently departed, Stan Lee.

This reincarnation of their most popular superhero rivals the best of this years live-action superhero adventures, and is the most enjoyable Spider-man film yet.