Supernatural

A GHOST STORY

Cert 12A 92mins Stars 3

This supernatural melodrama sees best actor Oscar winner Casey Affleck hiding the light of his talent not under a bushel, but under a bed sheet.

Affleck is at his most furrowed and mumbling even before his character suffers an early death. The actor spends most of the movie hidden in the classic kids costume of a bed sheet with two holes cut out and not saying a word. 

Occasional moments of black humour break out as Affleck communicates with the ghost next door. 

Tastefully somber, this mournful meditation on the meaning of life is almost provocative in its refusal to engage in anything as crowd pleasing as drama.

But as Affleck spends an eon mourning for his lost love played by Rooney Mara, I began longing for the grubby pleasures of Demi Moore and her potters wheel from 1990’s weepie, Ghost.

For all the grand cosmic sweep and the literary influences, like it’s main character there’s not much going on underneath.

 

THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE

Cert 15 86mins Stars 2

Despite the intriguing premise of this supernatural horror, the rigor mortis it reveals will leave you bored not scared stiff.

Following a multiple homicide, a local cop deposits the cadaver of an unidentified and beautiful young woman in the care of the local mortuary.

Brian Cox and Emile Hirsch are curiously cast as the father and son owners. And as the girlfriend, Ophelia Lovibond completes the trio of underwritten characters.

They’re tasked with establishing the cause of death of the mysterious ‘Jane Doe’, and begin to take her apart in order to piece together a picture of her life .

There’s an enjoyable reliance on old school effects such as smoke, mirrors, prosthetics and and sound effects. But sadly the most scary aspect of this poorly thought out exercise is the alarming lack of narrative vigour. And it’s painfully obvious where it’s all headed.

Jane Doe is probably best left dead and buried.

THE MUMMY (2017)

Cert 15 110mins Stars 1

This big budget action adventure lumbers into cinemas and begs to be put out of its torment. Long before it ended, so did I.

Though the world is threatened when an ancient terror is unleashed, a directorial dead hand can’t muster a sense of fun, danger, mystery or suspense.

It’s only brought to a semblance of life by the spark of Brit actress Annabelle Wallis and the dogged determination of Tom Cruise.

He stars as Nick Morton, an impish US soldier and blackmarketeer who is cursed when he opens a tomb in the Iraqi desert.

To save himself he must reunite a ceremonial dagger with a jewel discovered in a London grave.

He’s accompanied by a shouty, face slapping Egyptologist called Jenny, played by Wallis.

They stagger through a script which exhumes the dead bits of better movies and wraps them up in murky CGI.

Aeroplane and underwater stunts are airlifted in from Cruise’s last Mission Impossible film. And scenes from An American Werewolf in London are humourlessly reanimated.

Meanwhile a resurrected Egyptian mummy wants the knife to rule the world, or something.

Algerian dancer Sofia Boutella spends her time either chained in rags or parading across the desert in the style of a 1980’s Turkish Delight advert.

This stumbling mess is intended to be a franchise starter for Universal Studio’s Dark Universe. It’s a series of connected films rebooting classic movie monsters such as the Wolfman.

So our heroes also encounter Russell Crowe’s Dr. Jekyll, lurking in a lair of Bond villain extravagance.

Years of good living hang heavy on the 53 year old Crowe and he makes the 54 year old Cruise seem even more remarkably well preserved.

Next year we’ll have a new version of The Bride of Frankenstein and Johnny Depp has been announced as the Invisible Man.

After this dull horror show, that’s a truly terrifying prospect.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: SALAZAR’S REVENGE

Cert 12A 129mins Stars 3

The supernatural swashbuckling franchise returns to chart a course through familiar waters, but there’s a new star to light the way.

After 2011’s ponderous adventure On Stranger Tides, this adventure moves at a fair clip along its formulaic route of spectacular CGI sea battles and big scale stunts.

The special effects, costumes, sets and locations are a treasure dazzle us, but outshining them all is newcomer Kaya Scodelario. The Brit actress brings fresh life to the regular skeleton crew as a feisty astronomer turned treasure hunter.

Carina is the only woman of note in an ocean of men, and it’s a pity she’s saddled with Brenton Thwaites as a romantic interest. As Henry, he’s a suitably bland son and heir to Orlando Bloom’s Will Turner.

They team up with Johnny Depp’s hapless pirate, Captain jack Sparrow. Though Depp’s pantomime performance becomes more tiresome with every appearance, the troubled actor needs this film to rescue his badly listing career. 

Sparrow features heavily, but through judicious editing, stunt work and stand-ins, there’s a lot less Depp than we’re supposed to believe. 

Bloom and Keira Knightley briefly reprise their roles and Paul McCartney continues the series’ rum tradition of rock star cameos.

A ruddy faced Geoffrey Rush does a spot of acting as Captain Barbossa and gives his one legged pirate some real welly. And one time James Bond villain, Javier Bardem harries everyone amidships as the revenge seeking Salazar, the matador of the sea.

The scattershot script pays lip service to its own plot which involves the Trident of Poseidon. The reappearance of pirate galleon The Black Pearl, brings closure to a major character.

This week Depp was confirmed as the Invisible Man in Universal Studio’s new ‘Dark Universe’ franchise. If his career continues its downward spiral, he won’t need special effects to play the part.

 

 

GHOST STORIES

Cert 15 97mins Stars 4

Investigate the paranormal with this devilishly scary supernatural British thriller.

Andy Nyman stars as a TV presenting Professor who is evangelical in his mission to debunk psychics and the existence of the afterlife.

But his faith in science is tested when he is challenged to solve three separate cases of ghostly experience.

As the tremendous trio of Paul Whitehouse, Alex Lawther and Martin Freeman anchor each segment, the spectre of A Christmas Carol haunts the story and Charles Dickens would have appreciated its bleak and dark turns. 

Beautifully played and with a theatrical insistence on in-camera special effects, it’s inventive and funny as events become increasingly bonkers.

Asylums, churches, caravan parks and the Yorkshire Moors provide a suitably damp and downbeat environment alongside a more traditional fog-bound forest.

We’re asked to contemplate the emptiness of life without the possibility of an ever-after. And by the time Ghost Stories have scared you to death, you’ll be praying there is.

PERSONAL SHOPPER

Cert 15 105mins Stars 4

There’s no discounting the quality of the fare delivered by this unique psychological thriller. It’s a spine tingling tease of a ghost story, centred around sibling love, spirituality and self awakening.

Kristen Stewart has emerged from the shadow of the teenage Twilight franchise which her made a star, to reveal a serious actress with an impressive portfolio of work.

In her finest performance to date, Stewart moves mesmerically between vulnerable, aggressive, competent, lonely and fragile. Her understated yet significant charisma does much to heighten the mournful beauty and unsettling tone.

Maureen is an American in Paris who believes she has psychic ability. Her life is on hold as she mourns her twin brother who recently passed away.

While working as a personal shopper for a celebrity, a malevolent spirit draws Maureen into an extraordinarily tense and transgressive relationship.

If you’re in the market for a chilly and thought provoking spree, there’s no need to shop around.

 

 

 

Ouija: Origin Of Evil

Director: Mike Flanangan (2016) BBFC cert: 15

This belated and unwanted supernatural prequel to 2013’s Ouija is scary only in its lack of originality and ability to frighten up any fun.

When a widowed fortune teller introduces a Ouija board into her repertoire, her younger daughter makes contact with a spirit from the other side. At first providing gifts and helping with homework, when it exposes its malevolent nature there are dire consequences for the family.

Hard working Elizabeth Reaser, Annalise Basso and Lulu Wilson form the basis of an agreeable cast as mother and daughters. But as there’s no flesh on the scripts ghoulish bones for them to tear into, and we don’t care when very bad things start to happen.

There’s no attempt at twisting the setup into something interesting or topical such as drawing a parallel between the ouija board and internet grooming. Instead the script scratches at the walls of blank eyed possession, hidden rooms and half-hearted torture porn.

Among the absence of thrills are laughable nods to The Exorcist (1974) and Poltergeist (1982). The lighting and period detail gives the paranormal activity an undeserved gloss, while an underdeveloped sense of camp is bludgeoned into submission by cheap shocks.

The banging and shrieking on the soundtrack is loud enough to wake the dead. And possibly even the audience.

★☆☆☆☆

@ChrisHunneysett

 

 

Blair Witch

Director:Adam Wingard  (2016) BBFC cert: 15

This third film in the surprisingly resilient supernatural franchise closely apes the narrative and storytelling techniques but not the invention of the low cost original.

Feeling like a knocked off VHS copy, we’re once again watching the discovered memory card recordings of a group of young people who headed into the Maryland woods to investigate the local legend of the Blair Witch.

They’re lead by James whose sister went missing during the course of the first film, The Blair Witch Project (1999). There are screams in the night as one by one they go missing.

The cast do their best but it’s an irritating experience which offers little excitement and nothing new to the found footage genre.

Poor choices lead to their climbing of trees, running in circles, crawling through tunnels and exploring an old house. A potentially interesting time paradox is introduced, unexplored and abandoned.

The real terror is the thought of the franchise continuing in the same bloodless vein. I’m perfectly happy for this series to get lost in the woods.

★☆☆☆☆

@ChrisHunneysett

Lights Out

Director:David F. Sandberg (2016) BBFC cert: 15

With slamming doors and shrieking spectres, the only scares this haunted house horror offers are its damnably shocking politics.

Teresa Palmer heads up the  likeable cast who all put in an efficient shift. She plays twenty-something Rebecca who lives next to a tattoo parlour.

She goes to the rescue of her step brother Martin and mother Sophie who are plagued whenever the lights go out by a hissing harpy, called Diana.

Young Gabriel Bateman looks suitably terrified and Mario Bello gives a fidgety performance, befitting of a character off their meds in a major way.

Diana is a long haired monster with superhuman strength but who burns in the light. The victim of a skin condition and medical malpractice, the harpy is obsessed with Sophie, her one time fellow psychiatric patient. The ghoul spends a lot of time scratching her name into floorboards and removing lightbulbs.

Having destroyed the adult male relationships in Sophie’s life, Diana now threatens Rebecca’s blossoming romance with a leather jacketed hunk.

At the heart of the Light’s Out paranoia is a conservative heterosexual male fear of lesbian threat to the traditional nuclear family.

Named after the goddess of love, Diana represents the coercive power lesbians are perceived to be able exert on ‘normal’ society. She is an obsessive, violent, ugly, deranged family destroying bogey-woman. It’s a regressive view bang in tune with current right wing rhetoric.

The only light at the end of the tunnel is I’ll never have to suffer this nonsense again.

★☆☆☆☆

@ChrisHunneysett

Ghostbusters (2016)

Director: Paul Feig (2016) BBFC cert 12A

This supernatural reboot rakes over the bones of the 1984 comedy classic but fails to scare up the fun.

 Being bravely recast with an all female team has resulted in a ferocious online furore. However this gender switching is nothing new to Hollywood, it worked super successfully for Rosalind Russell in screwball comedy His Girl Friday (1940) and you don’t have to go that far back for other examples. Last year Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) gave a turbo charged reboot to that ’80’s franchise by putting the women in the driving seat.

This is very funny and scary. But only for the first five minutes before the new team turn up. From then on it’s sadly an indulgent Melissa McCarthy vehicle loaded up with CGI to paper over the holes in the weak script.

This is very much her movie and on a par with her recent The Boss (2016) and less fun than the similarly spooky Jack Black caper Goosebumps (2016).

Once again New York is awash with ectoplasm and evil spirits as the apocalypse approaches and only the Ghostbusters team of paranormal investigators can prevent it.

McCarthy and Kristen Wiig star as scientists Abby and Erin. They go into business as paranormal investigators after losing their university jobs.

Pushed into the background, poor Kate McKinnon is forced to gurn for attention as Jillian, the inventor of the teams ghoul catching gadgets.

She’s given a dance scene, an action moment and a speech, and all are great. However they feel more like ‘a bit for the trailer’ or a guilty ‘we’d better give her something to do’ than organic character reveals. McKinnon is easily best in show and I wish she’d been put front and centre.

Leslie Jones is subway worker Patty who sees a ghost and inexplicably joins up. She shouts most of her lines, probably in order to get noticed. Enough has been said about the fact there are three white scientists and one black transport worker. This isn’t a result of malicious intent but a foolish and avoidable lack of script oversight.

The dull villain played by Neil Casey is a self proclaimed genius called Rowan. He’s a janitor who wants to bring forth the apocalypse as revenge on an uncaring world.

Despite some familiar locations, New York is curiously underpopulated and never seems like a living metropolis. This neuters a threat which is never set higher than Def Con Scooby Doo.

Given far more to do than his equivalent in the first film, Chris Hemsworth has a great time at our expense as a dimwitted secretary called Kevin. He’s employed on the basis he looks like Chris Hemsworth. This is fine but is one of many underdeveloped ideas.

Other wasted opportunities include the new Ghostmobile being a hearse and having a ghost chasing scene in a death metal concert. These are starting points not jokes in themselves and are left hanging, waiting for a punchline that never arrives.

Andy Garcia’s city mayor is a character in search of a purpose. He’s picked off the nostalgia shelf  in a tick box exercise to keep the fans happy.

This is an origin story of how the gang get together. In order to eke out some sentiment it fleshes out character backstory the first didn’t feel the need to possess.

One character muses why she joined the team. Never mind the supernatural stuff, this is the real mystery that is never explained.

There’s an unfunny running gag about Chinese food which has no purpose except to indulge McCarthy’s showboating and prolong her screen time.

If because of your attachment to the original film you’re pleased this isn’t a glowing review, then you’re an idiot. No material is safe from being resurrected, rebooted or recycled, no matter how precious it is to you personally.

Plus the deficit of female led high profile films in Hollywood needs to be addressed and I would have loved the opportunity to sing the praises of a great piece of work. My fear is this weak effort may stifle the production of other potential projects.

I enjoyed McCarthy and Feig’s Spy (2015) though Bridesmaids (2011) was over praised. If you thought those were hilarious you may enjoy Ghostbusters (2016) more than I did.

Lacking the sly wit of the original but borrowing the familiar logo, costumes, equipment, theme song, dialogue and story, this adds slapstick and feels like a collection of undercooked tribute sketches happy to coast on the personality of the performers.

Original cast members Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson and Annie Potts are among the cameos. But by the time Sigourney Weaver turns up, my interest had long since given up the ghost.

★★☆☆☆

@ChrisHunneysett