2016

RISK

Cert 15 91mins Stars 3

This fly-on-the-wall documentary uses its remarkable degree of access to paint an  unflatteringly honest portrait of Julian Assange.

Revealing little we didn’t already know about the founder of whistle blowing website Wikileaks, it does show filmmaker Laura Poitras becoming increasingly disillusioned with her chosen subject.

It’s a great example of how a film sets out to explore a subject and finds itself changing during the course of its own making.

Filming began before and continued through Assange’s self imposed asylum in the embassy of Ecuador, in London. He’s there to avoid extradition to Sweden where he’s wanted for questioning in regards to a rape case.

He’s a royally arrogant, incredibly paranoid and startlingly unsympathetic character, whose colossal ego is stroked by the attendance of celebrities such as Lady Gaga.

Long before the end, Poitras is one of many who have fallen out with Assange but the fame junkie continues to allow her access. The poor Ecuadorians are welcome to him.

 

THE BOOK OF HENRY

Cert 12A 105mins Stars 1

The previous film by director Colin Trevorrow was the box office behemoth Jurassic World, and the next one will be Star Wars: Episode IX. It’s coming to a galaxy near you in 2019.

One was a monster hit and the other is as much as a guarantee as it’s possible to be. Which is just as well because this pet project of his is one of the mawkish and most misjudged movies of the year.

A shambles strewn with scenes of awful inappropriateness, it’s a coming of age fable for adults, a silly and sanctimonious ghost story, and a dull heist movie.

Henry is a gifted eleven year old and part time stock broker whose death leaves his mother distraught. However he’s left her a book of instructions with which she find solace and save the young girl next door from her wicked step uncle.

Rarely has a film so bonkers in concept has managed to be so boring and inept in execution.

 

 

BAYWATCH

Cert 15 116mins Stars 2

Flaunting its saucy seafront of solidly buttressed flesh, the only thing modest about this pumped up update of the 1990’s TV show is its ambition.

Based on the adventures of crime-solving lifeguards, the show was a worldwide smash. This success was due to the frequency with which improbably beautiful women ran in slow-mo through the surf, en route to saving the day.

This big screen reboot is an exercise in body shaming on a global scale, its bikini-sized comedy brains existing only to flex its action biceps.

It revives the formula with a lascivious wink. But a light hearted tone, gross out gags and stream of bantz are a poor substitute for a decent joke or a smart script.

Buff bromantic lifeguards Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron are joined on the team by Jon Bass. He’s the token shy, fat, ugly techie guy. Johnson is given to making motivational speeches about duty, family and team work, just as he does in his The Fast Furious films.

They attempt to solve a case of drugs and corruption which threatens the future of the beach. The bad guy is the ambitious entrepreneur, played by a fully clothed Priyanka Chopra.

The female lifeguards are essentially cheerleaders, they’re a handy reward for the guys when they bust the case. This is a waste, as all three actresses suggest they are more than capable of holding their own against the boys.

Pamela Anderson became a star when she squeezed into the famous red bikini, and she and original star David Hasselhoff make predictable and painful cameos.

By frequently pointing out how absurd the TV show was while going through the same old motions, the film wants to have its cake and eat it.  Though I imagine cake is an alien concept to the ridiculously ripped bodies promenading across the beach.

COLOSSAL

Cert 15 109mins Stars 4

Despite the giant lizard co-star which is seen stomping across the Seoul skyline, it’s Anne Hathaway’s talent which dominates this sci-fi black comedy.

The Oscar winner is permanently dishevelled under a heavy fringe and black eyeliner, she’s an irresistible combination of vulnerability, determination, comic ability and sex appeal.

She plays Gloria, a thirty-something writer whose inner demons have prompted a retreat to her small hometown in the US. She wakes one hungover afternoon to discover a real monster has appeared in South Korea.

Though the twisted script threatens to be a romantic uplifting tale of empowerment, we’re repeatedly pushed off balance by its dark turns into childhood trauma, domestic violence and alcoholism.

The creature is designed in homage to Japan’s Godzilla, and this is easily more entertaining than Hollywood’s two most recent attempts to make a Godzilla movie.

But for all the monsters on display, it’s the green-eyed variety which is the most colossal and terrifying.

KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD

Cert 12A 126mins Stars 2

Director Guy Ritchie puts Arthurian legend to the sword with this humdrum fantasy adventure.

It’s a big budget spectacular full of magical beasts and battles, aiming appeal to fans of TV’s Games of Thrones. But without all the nudity and sex.

It barely plays lip service to the legend, and often feels as if Ritchie has made a Robin Hood film by mistake. He does manage to remember to include a sword in the stone and a lady in the lake.

The definitive versions of King Arthur are 1981’s Excalibur and 1975’s Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This is not as funny as one or as grandly mythic as the other.

Ritchie made his name with gangster romps such as Lock Stock, and it’s no surprise to find Arthur reinvented as a brylcreamed cockney hard case.

The King is played with a remarkable lack of charisma by Charlie Ho-hum, sorry, Hunnam. Imagine Gary Barlow in It’s A Royal Knockout, armed with a super-powered sword. But without the cavalier sense of fun that suggests.

With Ritchie being director, producer and co-writer, only those on set with any clout remain unscathed from the pillage of his stylistic flourishes.

Jude Law is impressively imperial as Arthur’s evil uncle, Vortigern. In order to maintain his reign of terror in England, he needs to find and destroy his nephew.

In an astutely edited and mildly distracting cameo as a knight, former footballer David Beckham makes a valiant stab at acting.

With the exception of French actress Astrid Berges-Frisbey, women are mostly window dressing.

Who knows why Warner Bros allowed Ritchie to squander £135 million of their cash on this dull and disappointing disaster.

But having already fallen on its sword around the globe, trying to turn this into box office gold will be as easy as finding the Holy Grail.

THE SECRET SCRIPTURE

Cert 12A 108mins Stars 2

Irish writer-director Jim Sheridan has previously delivered great work, such as the socially aware dramas, My Left Foot and In the Name of the Father.

Sadly this overwrought production is a muddled affair, with elements of gothic horror, mystery drama, and wartime romance, all jostling to dominate.

Eric Bana’s dashing doctor has been summoned to assess Rose McNulty. Accused of killing her baby, the fragile widow has since been held in a mental asylum for forty years. As the narrative flits between then and now, a personalised bible holds clues to the truth.

There’s no shortage of impassioned performances, with Vanessa Redgrave and Rooney Mara play the old and young versions of Rose.

But Sheridan’s cynicism at small town hypocrisy, punitive Irish republicanism and the brutal church, all sit uneasily with a deep lying sentimentality.

An oppressive score leaves no room for subtlety, and the script contains no secret worthy of the name.

 

 

MAN DOWN

Cert 15 Stars 2

This is the drama which made headlines when it made only £7 at the UK box office. It’s not quite as bad as all that, and certainly it’s heart is in the right place.

Though somber and sluggish, it serves to highlight the plight of veterans who suffer PTSD.

Shai LaBeouf’s typically introvert and intense performance sees him engaged in a macho grunt-off with the Jai Courtney.

They play best buds who patriotically sign up for the Marines and tour Afghanistan. On return LaBeouf’s family are missing and the pair set off to find them.

 

 

LADY MACBETH

Cert 15 99mins Stars 4

Sex, class, race, money and power are drawn together in a suffocating corset of ambition in this intense period drama.

Florence Pugh gives a remarkably rich performance of perfect poise and earthy passion as the newly wed lady of the manor. 

The wedding night of the English beauty doesn’t go as expected. And when she takes a lover from a household of spying servants and looming groomsmen, murder most foul follows.

This is a chilly English Victorian-era take on a Russian novel inspired in part by Shakespeare’s Scottish play, MacBeth. The costumes, names, setting and language may change, but the power of the drama lives on.

It’s staged on the wild moors of my native North-east and riffs on Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights. Local accents add flavour to some ripe Anglo Saxon language.

Beautifully photographed and impeccably played by all, this is a Shakespearean experience for those who don’t like Shakespeare.

THE HANDMAIDEN

Cert 18 156mins Stars 5

Scheming ambition leads to lust, lunacy and betrayal in this sumptuous erotic thriller.

It’s inspired from the novel Fingersmith, by Sarah Waters, and her Victorian era story makes a remarkably deft transition to Japanese occupied Korea of the early twentieth century.

The Welsh writer also wrote the book which inspired the BBC’s naughty romp, Tipping The Velvet. This is far more explicit.

A pair of con artists conspire to defraud a wealthy Japanese woman. Fujiwara pretends to be an aristocrat to woo the Lady Hideko, while his partner Sook-hee is placed in her household, assuming the position of her handmaiden.

Beginning with Sook-hee, the story unfolds in three parts, presenting the point of view of the leading players in turn.

Writhing with sapphic desire, this exquisitely told tale is ripe with erotic literature, punishment, and torture.

The gorgeous performers embrace their parts while the succulent cinematography makes a fetish of consumption. Indulge yourself.

 

SWISS ARMY MAN

Cert 15 Stars 3

In this remarkably odd black comedy, former Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe takes on his most fantastical role yet.

He plays a farting corpse called Manny, who inspires a shipwrecked soul to use him as a jetski to the mainline. After this curious beginning, it all becomes a bit weird.

On his mission to return home, Paul Dano’s Hank utilises the cadaver as a host more practical devices, such as a compass and a gun.

There’s a wonderful chemistry between Dano and Radcliffe, even if the biology and physics are tested to their limits.