time-travel

Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (2010)

If I thought the 2005 version was poor, then this dull, cheap and silly Syfy channel produced and action-lite adaptation is without question the absolute nadir of Mysterious Island screen adaptations.

Bermuda Triangle time-travelling

It keeps the US Civil War escape, the hot air balloon, Captain Nemo and the island, and then introduces a Bermuda Triangle time-travelling aspect when a modern jet plane crash lands.

that sucker is now nuclear

Fortunately for our heterosexual male castaways, out of the wreckage step a pair of glamorous young white women, very much inappropriately dressed for the environment, and perilous encounters with strange creatures create opportunity for romance, as well as lame moments of culture clash comedy.

giant octopus

One is named Julia Fogg, presumably in homage to Jules Verne and his creation Phileas Fogg, from Around the World in Eighty Days.

Nemo is a very white and American genial grandfather, who has put aside his grudge against the British to pursue world peace. As for his submarine the Nautilus, to paraphrase Marty McFly, that sucker is now nuclear, and lightning is harnessed to facilitate the castaways escape.

electric gun

There’s pirates, a volcano, a giant octopus and an electric gun, the last two have clearly wandered in from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. But at least that suggests someone on the production team is at least passingly familiar with Verne’s work.

However there’s no stars, no dog, a minimum of not-so special effects, poor acting, dreadful dialogue, and tepid direction. Devoid of tension, excitement or sense, this is worse than the most cheap episode of Dr Who, even the Sylvester McCoy ones.

fantastical element

Amazingly, it’s clear someone involved had hopes of a sequel, or maybe a franchise or spin-off TV series, which is the easily the most fantastical element of this entire sorry enterprise.

Love classic sci-fi? Check out my website HERE

Read my review of Disney’s fabulous 1954 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, HERE

You can read my review of the 1916 adaptation of The Mysterious Island, HERE

You can read my review of 1929’s The Mysterious Island, HERE

Read my review of the 1941 Russian adaptation of The Mysterious Island, HERE

You can read my review of 1951’s Mysterious Island, HERE

And you can read my review of 1967’s The Stolen Airship, HERE

And my review of 1973’s version HERE

@ChrisHunneysett

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

Director: Steve Pink (2015)

Anarchic and knowingly stupid, this gross-out comedy sequel goes back to the future with nobs on. And out.

Loud and lewd, it’s a booze, drugs, sex, vomit and gay-rape romp to the year 2025, a pop culture mash up of The Hangover and Back To The Future franchises.

Having exploited their time-travelling hot tub to become billionaires, Nick (Craig Robinson) and Lou (Rob Corddry) are having a party in Lou’s mega-mansion.

Nick is importing music and claiming it as his own while Lou has invented Lougle, the dominant internet search engine. Lou’s son Jacob (Clark Duke) is employed by his dad as a butler.

An unidentified man shoots Lou so Nick and Jacob throw him in the tub to travel back in time to stop the shooting. But they go forward in time by mistake and have to find a supply of secret formula chemical to take them back home.

They hook up with Adam (Adam Scott) the son of the character played by John Cusack in the original film. Cusack obvioulsy decided this is a Hot Tub trip too far. The very game cast who do return put their all into the film.

The story doesn’t bear any analysis with regards logic. It’s a shameless hook to hang on as many badly judged and executed jokes as possible, the more rude, offensive and stupid the better.

There’s a driverless smartcar with murder in mind, hallucinogenic trips, drasic dancing and Christian Slater as a game show host

Very aware that 2015 is the year in the future Back To The Future II travelled ahead to, there’s a hoverboard joke. References to other time travel movies include The Terminator, Looper and of course the Back To The Future films litter the script.

Joke cameos from Lisa Loeb, Jessica Williams and Bruce Buffer as themselves may have been funny if I didn’t have to Lougle them to discover who they are.

Disposable and daft, the most acute joke is 2025 is only ten years away.

★★☆☆☆